This week marks my baby boy turning six months, and what a six months it has been!
It’s been the most greatest, exciting, enjoyable, hardest experience of my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
He’s the happiest little thing I have ever met, he must be laughing constantly at my terrible singing and dancing. Some days I consciously have to stop myself from singing every single sentence I say because I think he hasn’t heard me speak for days and his first words will be him singing the opening lines of ‘Calon Lan’. First thing in the morning, I warble out a hearty ‘GoooOOd MoorrNiNg’, giving Celine Dion a run for her money, by the time seven o’clock has come around, I sound like I have smoked 400 cigarettes and he has Marge Simpson for a mother putting him to bed.
Every single day he is changing and its scary how quickly he is growing up, today for example I had only made a cup of tea and by the time I had turned around, he had shoulder length hair and a moustache. Ok that was an exaggeration, but seriously every day there is something new to see, today he read ‘War and Peace’ while smoking a pipe. Again, exaggerating, again not funny..
We are hoping to relocate into our own home next month, exciting times again..
or are they?
This year we are attending not one, not two, but FOUR weddings… and not one of them is mine. Last Saturday saw us attending a wedding in Wales, and what a beautiful day that was, the sun shone and the day was absolutely wonderful.
I have been watching too much Derren Brown recently and I thought I’d try it on Ross, if he asks me a question, I try and answer either ‘I do’ or ‘I will’ to subconsciously make him propose, for example if he asks me if I want a chinese, I look into his eyes hold both his hands in mine and seductively say ‘I do’. If he asks me to make him a cup of tea, I reply with ‘ I will’ … Alongside this, there is the constant playlist/singing which includes Bruno Mars ‘Think I want to marry you’, ’Don’t marry her, have me’ and ‘Im getting married in the morning’.. and still nothing.
During the service on the weekend, I took my ring and put it on my ring finger and turned and winked at Ross, and he just rolled his eyes.. I think I have a long wait until its my turn!
I’ve even caught the bouquet in every wedding I’ve attended for the past few years, some more dignified than others. There are some catches that I would rather forget that have been caught on camera, luckily I haven’t seen those photos for a while. I’ve shown nipple, bled, rugby tackled, pushed, and literally dived on top of a bouquet to get that ring on my finger.. and still nothing.
It’s my 31st birthday next week, this old spinster is getting dusty on the shelf..
At what point do you become a ‘grown up?’
Is it the obvious time when you hit puberty ? or when you hit 21 ? remove the ‘half’ from your age? leave home? buy a car? get a job?
or is it the time when you stop laughing at the word ‘period’, or no longer stifle a giggle when next door inform you that they are ‘erecting’ a greenhouse?
I think its more likely to be the time that your stories no longer start ‘I was absolutely hammered the other night…’ and 10.30pm is no longer the time when you are calling a taxi to hit the town on a Monday night but the time that its starting to get late and you start planning going to bed and working out how much sleep you have until your alarm goes off, heaven forbid if its less than 8 hrs you’d better quickly brush your teeth, grab your hot water bottle and get straight into bed.
or is it when you have a baby? when you learn all the nursery rhymes for the second time in your life? is it when you get married? buy a house? get engaged? save money?
In my case I had the realisation yesterday that I might have finally grown up, I got excited over a new bath mat and bed linen and I couldn’t wait to get home and have a shower and slide into my egyptian cotton thread sheets. I must have gone upstairs to smell the new fabric, plump my pillow and smooth the duvet down five times before ross got home. Then he came home and went into the bedroom while I sat expectantly on the settee waiting for his response, he came down to my ‘Wellllllllll ? ‘, and he hadn’t even noticed, so I made him go back up until he satisfied me, reassuring me twice that he had definitely felt it and with a few ‘Oooo’s’ and ‘ahhh’s’ on his return I had a smug smile for the rest of the night. My younger self laying on her mattress with no cover, or pillow and a duvet which hadn’t been changed all semester would have spat her can of stella out if she’d seen me. I now have a mattress protector for goodness sake.
So here I am, at 30 hoovering my hoover, watching Antiques Roadshow and growing old and proud.. Best get going, I saw some ‘purple rinse’ on sale…
I have just come back from an amazing holiday in Egypt, I was so nervous taking Rudi to ‘Africa’, where I was warned about all the dangers, mainly the water there, you can’t drink the water, eat anything washed in the water, brush your teeth in the water and what was the very first thing I do when I get there? Go to the buffet and pour myself and neck in one, a big glass of water.. I came back to the table and said.. ‘I cannot believe I just did that’ .
The second night we went for a short walk outside the hotel and there was a camel, before I even managed to get the usual ‘Camel Toe’ jokes out, I somehow ended up on it. It was like I tripped and fell on its back, I didn’t even want to ride it, all I remember was being offered to pat ‘Bob Marley’, then having a turban tied around my head and the man lifting me onto him in one swift movement. As I was walking away, I said again ‘I cannot believe I just did that’.
We were so lucky with our rooms, we had ‘pool side’ rooms in luxury, the weather was amazing and we all had a good time. I was the one though that was so careful with everything, (not including the water fiasco above), I wouldn’t really venture out after sunset because of the mosquitos, eat any of the salad, touch the money without anti bacterial gel ready, or go out without slathering myself in sun tan lotion. My sister on the other hand, did the opposite, she’d go out without any sun tan lotion on, be out after dark, eat whatever she wanted and yes you’ve guessed what happened… I am covered in mosquito bites, I burnt my feet and was violently sick on the last day. She on the other hand was absolutely fine. Sitting here thinking about it.. ‘I cannot believe that’..
I knew I was always good at ‘multi- tasking’, I could text while on the toilet, make a cuppa while reading the paper, check my Facebook while watching telly, with no problem at all.
However, I never realised I had potential to be super human at multi-tasking, now not only can make a cuppa while reading the paper, I can soothe a baby, sing songs, and clean up last nights dishes by the time the kettle’s boiled. I can also now text on the toilet, while brushing my teeth, singing songs out the door and hanging out the washing.
So we have started the dreaded ‘routine’, I got cocky when Rudi only woke up twice two nights in a row and decided it was time. 7pm bed, 7am wake – EASY! From this moment sleep has been non existent. It doesn’t help when I see other mothers and I take every opportunity to say how tired I am and claw at their arm while asking desperately ‘when does it become easier?’ because they look so good and obviously they must be sleeping and have all the answers, then I notice the zombie blank expression, the toneless voice, yesterdays make-up, the vacant eyes and they respond ‘It doesn’t’.. .leaving me to stand there horrified.
It’s got to be a joke that all mothers do to new mothers surely?
I have to go… the kettle has boiled
I think I must have used the two words ‘I’m tired’ more than anything in the last 12 weeks, I even say them when I am not even that tired, just out of habit. I’m tired though today, and I really am. It makes me even more tired when I say it, so I am going to make a conscious effort to not say it anymore, it doesn’t make me any less tired.
Today was the pits, after no sleep last night, I had to take Rudi to get his 12 week injection, it was like I was having it done, I wish I could have had it instead of him, and the poor little thing was so happy in the nurses room and then she stabbed him and he screamed so much, even the nurse said that he must have a low pain threshold and some babies react worse than others.. I think she was indirectly calling my baby a wimp. I called her a bitch and then I left… (that didn’t really happen in real life just in my head) .. In reality I thanked her politely, then waited ,and then called her a bitch outside.
I am sure men think that when you have a baby and they go back to work, we all sit around having coffee with other new mums and talk about how easy it is. When the reality is, I don’t have enough hours in the day to shower, or even look in the mirror. Oh god, I wouldn’t dare look in the mirror today. When I do get time to meet other mums, have coffee and talk about how hard it is, I have to admit I never knew that tips such as polishing the radiators then turning them on, chucking a bit of bleach down the toilet and turning the washing machine makes it look like you are a domestic goddess.
I have to go, I’m tired, and I have a radiator to polish..
I tell you what really gets on my nerves… adverts.. especially the shampoo, or moisturiser ones that say.. 82% of women agree, and then below it states that they asked all of 16 people. If that’s the case then I do not feel that 82% is high enough, and they could have asked a few more people.
I am glad I have got that off my chest..
Moving swiftly on, behind our house we discovered an ‘Aldi’, and how obsessed we have become! The highlight of my week last week was feeding Ross two bacon sandwiches, one was ‘aldi’s finest bacon’ for £1.19 and the other was the ‘butchers best’ for £1.99 , I sat watching him take every mouthful, excitedly explained what I had done and he slowly savoured each bite with a ‘hmmm’ and a few relevant questions such as ‘did i trim both sets of bacon?’ which you will be pleased to hear i did. And you know what? He guessed wrong!! I spent all afternoon reliving the whole experience and how amazing Aldi’s is. Today I went there, and my bill only came to £13 and I had 12 beers and tea for three days in my basket.
I am definitely starting to get old…
100% of people agree…
2 people asked.. (me and Rudi)